I recently saw a photograph where a father was passed out face first on his bed amidst piles of laundry. I don’t think that a better description of what it is to have an infant can be found. Finn is about to be 16 months old and I can hardly believe it, but at the same time it feels like he’s always been the perfect little addition to our family. That being said, I have never been more exhausted in my life.

It’s funny, the way that I pictured life as a mother is oddly exactly how I imagined and completely different at the same time. I imagined there would be moments of frustration and exhaustion, but also moments where my heart feels like it has melted inside of my chest. There really isn’t a way to prepare yourself for what being a parent will feel like. I have been pushed to my limit more often than I would like to admit, but I have also been happier than I could have hoped to be.

“Be the mom you want them to remember.”

Having only memories of my own mother makes that quote so real. Keeping that perspective is hard, but I try my best to give Finn a mother that is happy, fun, encouraging, and grounded. When I fail, I pray that Finn learns about grace, both giving it to others and yourself.

Here are some photos from this year. My whole heart outside of my body <3